"Off course I'm happy"

2010-03-02

Two months of my spring term had already passed. I can't really judge whether they were stressful or not. There were definitely times when I slacked off and just waste a whole day doing nothing. There are also days when I just dream of the summer holidays and how I will spend it without worries. But now, there is just one more month till finals and I definitely feel the pressure from assignments and tests again. I begin to wonder how my next terms will be too, since I postponed a lab course to next yr. There will definitely be more upper year labs too. So all I can do now is "sigh... i'll worry about it next yr". I'm kinda being ignorant right now, but let's just focus on what I have to do now.

There are times when I feel like I can do something well. Then reality will always shatter my little dream and make me face tough decisions and choices. I want to believe in it as a message from HIM that what I'm pursuing is not meant for me. However I will always get the urge to defy his warnings and charge in a direction I feel is right. Off course I suffer consequences. But when someone ask me, if i'm happy with it. I'll always reply "yes" with a smile, even though, I am not even sure if i'm truly happy or not.

Confusions can be deceiving and often blind you from seeing the whole picture. To clear those confusions, I have no choice but to sort my way through them. Despite the challenges and roadblocks I face in doing so, I believe in me. It may sound like I'm a little too confident with myself, but that's the only thing I believe right now. I guess it's all thanks to my parent's way of teaching, and that is, to be independent. Sometimes, I am too independent that I urge to rely on someone once in a while.

Life is tough and I'm definitely not meant to be rich and famous. So, I'll suck it up and just do things my way. There's nothing wrong with believing in myself...right?